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-J.R.R. Tolkien, from The Fellowship of the Ring

*this is my blog... be sure to read often, because my life is constantly changing! blessings *

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January 25, 2008

If I could do one thing differently...

Well, this really wasn't what I was going to blog about (I was going to blog about my evening with Shayne) but I really feel led to write about this, even though it is kind of personal.
So today I had my English class, and we usually always write a couple journal entries about abstract ideas and everything like that, and one of our topics today was, and I quote, "If you could do one thing differently from your past, what would it be, and why?" So here was my answer.
"Well, quite honestly, I don't think anything from my past should necessarily be changed, even though I've made a lot of mistakes, because I don't think we should dwell on the past. BUT... if I must give an answer, there's one thing that I've always wished I could have changed. When I was first adopted, I wanted to test my parents on everything, because I hadn't quite figured out that they weren't going to give me back like everyone else had. So I tested, and tested, and tested. Relentlessly, I carried on. But this isn't the thing that i really wish I wouldn't have done. The one thing about all of it that I wish now I could change was the way I treated my mom. I mean, sure, I love her now, but then I really didn't trust her. I would never want to sit on her lap, and I was always wanting to do things with my dad, instead of her. I know how much that hurt her now, but only after it was too late to do anything about it. My mom just wanted me to be her little girl, and I refused to be. Now that I look back on it, I think I saw that as a weakness. Like, in my small mind back then, I thought that if I showed her that I needed someone, then I wasn't very strong, or something along those lines."
So, I guess the only reason I wanted to write this was just to tell you all, as the saying goes, to 'love as if you've never been hurt.' You never know how your past may affect the future.

68 comments:

Georgi said...

have i ever told you how proud i am to be your nana? you have wisdom way beyond your years and i love you!! now, about that dinner tonight with Shayne???? your mom said she was going to tell me about it but she hasn't even called.
i love you,
nana

Thehotrod5 said...
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Thehotrod5 said...

ok...crying....getting tissues.....*WE LOVE YOU BRITTAN*!!!

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